What do you call a fly in a blondes brain? A space invader!

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date.

When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room.

The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her bra, which he does. She then asks him to remove her panties and he this this also.

The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?

Yeah, I do! a biker says, standing up. What about it?

Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…

What are you talkin about?! the biker says, disbelievingly. How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?

Well, it seems he got stuck in your dogs throat!

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, Ill give you both of em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um… five?"

Two Polish guys are walking down the street sharing insights. The smarter of the two sees a dog lying down and licking his balls. The less intelligent of the two says to his friend, Dont you wish you could do that?

The second guy replies, Dont you think he would bite me?

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, Dang, why are you drinking so fast?

The guy says, You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.

The bartender says, What do you have?

The guy says, 75 cents.

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep Ill let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow — youre exactly right. I guess blondes really arent dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep." The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him. "Oh no," he says, "you cant have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Maam, thats my dog."

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried.
"Whats your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

Q: How does a clown fish get its stripes?

A: It spends time in jail.

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian. And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!