Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says shes going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The banks president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000.00 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000.00 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the banks underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000.00 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5, 000.00?

The blonde replies, Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?

A: Because they cant fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctors advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that shed indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?

How do you drown a blonde?

The stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be only half paying attention to his replies.

Are you feeling OK? he asked.

Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet. she admitted. Is there a name for my condition?

Why yes, there is. he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. Its called Good News.

Linda Burnett, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lindas eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that shed been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

A policeman pulled a blonde over after shed been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, cause all the people were leaving!

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, Wow! I cant believe my eyes! I dont believe this is true! The lawyer on the ground was skeptical and said, I think youre hallucinating and you should come down right now.

So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just seen a naked blonde woman floating face up headed toward their island.

The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But, within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, totally unconscious.

The two lawyers went over to her and one said to the other, You know, weve been on this island for months now without a woman. Its been a long time…do you think we should….you know….. screw her?

The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked…

Out of what?

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. Were three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still wont light up?

Blonde: No, its working fine.

Operator: Then whats the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

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