A confused little nine year old boy asks his mother one day,Mom, is God a
man or a woman?

Well, says the boys mother, God is unique. Hes both a man and a woman.

This further confuses the little boy, so he says, Mom, is God black or white?

The mother begins to get a little embarassed, but she answers, God is both
black and white, honey.

The even more confused little boy then asks, Mom, is God gay or straight?

The boys mother mow hesitates, but she answers, Well, God is both gay and
straight, son.

The boy now smiles with understanding. Mom! Now I know! Is God Michael
Jackson?

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.

The Irishman was thinking: This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel Ill make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says Sorry, you know the law, youve got to go back across the border right now.

The mexican man pleads with them, No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!



The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, Im going to make it hard for him and says Ok, Ill let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence.



The Mexican man of course agrees.



The Border Patrol Agent tells him, The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.



The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,… I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

– He got his gas bill

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibre net.

Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing…

They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

WORLDS EASIEST

QUIZ!





FOR ALL OF YOU THAT WILL NEVER MAKE WHO WANTS TO BE A



MILLIONAIRE



OR EVEN THE WEAKEST LINK…HERES THE WORLDS



EASIEST QUIZ! (Passing



requires 4 correct answers)





1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?





2) Which country makes Panama hats?



3) From which animal do we get catgut?





4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October



Revolution?



5)



What is a camels hair brush made of?



6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific



are named after what



animal?



7) What was King George VIs first name?





8) What color is a purple finch?



9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?







All done? Check your answers below!



x



x



x



x



x



x





x



x



x



x



x



x



x



x



x



x



ANSWERS TO THE



QUIZ



1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years



2) Which country



makes Panama hats? Ecuador



3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep



and Horses



4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October



Revolution?



November



5) What is a camels hair brush made of? Squirrel fur



6) The



Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what



animal? Dogs



7)



What was King George VIs first name? Albert



8) What color is a purple



finch? Crimson



9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand





WHAT



DO YOU MEAN YOU FAILED?!!##!!!





So did I…….

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?

Reservations.

(I heard the British actor Peter Ustinov tell this one on T.V. after he had
been on a visit to the Soviet Union)

One Russian and one Polish workman were digging the foundations for a new
road. After several hours of hard toil, the Polish guy hits his shovel on
something hard in the ground. Both men work hurriedly to dig the object out
and discover that its a treasure chest. On opening it they find jewels,
coins, gold etc. beyond their wildest dreams. Both are wild with happiness
and dance around madly. When they have calmed down, the Russian takes the
Polish workmans hand and earnestly says, Sir, we will share this just like
Russian – Polish comrades should, and the Polish guy says, Oh no, 50–50.

The French national anthem is mayonnaise.