Dear friends, Being retired and with the stock market going down, our monthly pension payment is quite small now, and dont reach as far as we would like. We now shop more conservatively and often visit Wal-Mart for bargains. I just wanted to share this new secret with my many friends. We may have started a new revolution! My old JC Penney underwear were starting to wear thin and so we came up with what we hope is a novel idea to
stretch our money. Please see the attached photo, which will explain
this new, no cost solution for underwear. If you find merit in this,
please forward to everyone you know to help them with any budget concerns they may have.Love, Pappy

GATORS TO FACE SEMINOLES WITH PETERS OUT

The Tallahassee Bugle



MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS

The Anchorage Alaska Times



GOVERNORS PENIS BUSY [should be Pen Is]

The New Haven Connecticut Register



THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON

The Arkansas Plainsman



CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORES HANDS

Bangor Maine News



STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION

The Washington Times



CLINTON STIFF ON WITHDRAWAL

The Bosnia Bugle



LONG ISLAND STIFFENS FOR LILIS BLOW

Newsday



ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX

San Antonio Rose



PETROLEUM JELLY KEEPS IDLE TOOLS RUST-FREE

Chicago Daily News



TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS

The Miami Herald



MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING

The New Haven Connecticut Register



GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS

The Tallahassee Democrat



WOULD SHE CLIMB TO THE TOP OF MR. EVEREST AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY!

The Houston Chronicle

A woman asks her husband if hed like some breakfast. Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?

He declines. Its this Viagra, he says, Its really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?

Again he declines. No, thanks. Its this Viagra, he says, Its really taken the edge off my appetite.

At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? Thatll only take a couple of minutes.

Once more, he declines. Again, thanks, but its this Viagra. Its really taken the edge off my appetite.

Well, then, she says, Would you mind getting off me? Im STARVING!

Mr MacTavish was very sick. His wife sat at his bedside after the doctor had said no more could be done. The man said, I dont think Im going to make it thru the nite.

The wife replied, Ive got to finish my chores, but if you feel yourself slipping away before I return, please be sure to blow out the candle.

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor…

I feel real good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.

You mean you gave a bum five dollars? Thats a lot of money to give away like that. What did you husband say about it?

Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said, Thanks.

The patient shook his doctors hand in gratitude and said, Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.

That is very kind of you, said the doctor emotionally, and then added, Can I see that prescription I just gave you? Id like to make a little change…

If I like it, its mine.

If its in my hand, its mine.

If I can take it from you, its mine.

If I had it a little while ago, its mine.

If its mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If Im doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

If I saw it first, its mine.

If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

If its broken, its yours.

Marriage was invented because its only so much fun to cheat at cards.

A guy sits in a bar when the barkeeper starts talking about his dog, My dog is
the most vicious killing machine in the area. If I had not tied it by a huge
chain, it would kill other dogs or children all the time.

And really the guy can see a doberman snarling in the corner tied by a huge
chain. The guy looks up and says, I bet you a beer that my dog that is tied up
outside the pub has no problem killing your dog.

Oh really? answers the bar keeper, what breed of dog do you have?

A long nosed, short legged, long tailed terrier, answers the guy.

Alright, replies the bar keeper and releases his doberman. The doberman runs
outside. Soon afterwards the tattered remains of the dog limps back, bleeding,
all over covered with wounds, and dies at the barkeepers feet. The bar keeper
cannot understand what was going on.

That must be a hell hound you have outside. What did you say it was?

A long nosed, short legged, long tailed terrier, replies the guy, but some
people call them crocodiles.

The ones that learns by reading
The few who learn by observation
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.