This is a good time to punt work.

Amnesia: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you are angry with him/her.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though theyre sure youre not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Pre-natal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first babys dummy by boiling it and to your last babys dummy by blowing on it.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pyjamas.

Two-Minute Warning: When the babys face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: To whine in words.

Whodunnit: None of the kids that live in your house.

If Anita Bryant married Moby Dick… her name would be?

Documentation is like sex: When its good, its fantastic, when its bad…

The only problem we have in this city is the secret police. If there is
any gambling, narcotics, or prostitution, its a secret to them.

The problem with getting a life is making the payments.

Hire a teenage while they still know everything,

C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.