Poze din categoria ‘One Liners’ Category

Government vs. Mafia

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

Whats the difference between the government and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.

Procrastination is the flaw most

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

Procrastination is the flaw most of us keep putting off curing.

Arizona

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

Arizona
YOU KNOW YOURE IN ARIZONA WHEN:

– Youve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you cant
remember the name of the incumbent.

– You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

– You can say Hohokam and people dont think youre laughing funny.

– You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

– You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the
Salt River.

– You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

– You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

– You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over
100 degrees.

– You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.

– You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your
car.

– You can make sun tea instantly.

– You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use
your fireplace.

– You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.

– You realize that Valley Fever isnt a disco dance.

– Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

– You can pronounce the words: Saguaro, Tempe, Gila Bend, San
Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, Cholla, and
Tlaquepaque.

– Its noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person
is moving on the streets.

– You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

– Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout
counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just
to go to Circle K.

– Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools
will actually buy them.

– Hot air balloons cant go up, because the air outside is hotter
than the air inside.

– No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

– You can understand the reason for a town named Why.

When sign makers go on

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket
signs?

Reality is an illusion that

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

There is only one way

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

There is only one way to kill capitalism: taxes, taxes, and more
taxes.

A meeting is an event

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted

I want my bedroom painted

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.

Those who think its tough

Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

Those who think its tough to make a living as a writer of fiction have
obviously never cheated on their income tax.

The knack of flying

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The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

– Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxiy