From a Gore Vidal speech to the National Press Club carried on NPR:
I heard bad news on the way over here: the Ronald Reagan Presidential
Library was just destroyed by fire, and, tragically, both books were a
total loss. Worse yet, he wasnt finished coloring the second one.
Kent
The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: I had a terrible time with Iran, so Ive come for some courage.
NO PROBLEM says the Wizard, WHO IS NEXT?
Ronald Reagan steps forward, Well …, Well …, Well …, I need a brain.
DONE says the Wizard. WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD?
Up steps George Bush sadly; Im told by the American people that I need a heart.
IVE HEARD ITS TRUE, says the Wizard. CONSIDER IT DONE.
Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, not saying a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, WELL, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?
Is Dorothy around?
Dorothy: How can you talk if you havent got a brain?
Scarecrow: I dont know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, dont they?
Want to leave the other country absolutely devasted? Ruined? Unable to function for years?
Well, great, bring the troops home and send over some politicians.
Why is everyone so mad about the President and Monica?
After all he gave her a job and she gave him one back.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: Okay! Okay! Im a rabbit! Im a rabbit!
Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton?
A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches.
Love is a many-splendored thing. Until you have to explain to 300 million
people why your splendor by-product is causing a tax hike to cover the
new Presidential Emergency Dry-Cleaning Fund. Then its just a pain in
the ass.
– Alisa Meadows
George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson on politics. First he asked the kid to write "The President" on the blackboard.Then Bush asked the child what he thought the President should accomplish and the child replied, "Protect the environment and clean up the air." Dubya countered, "Why should the clouds be white and the water be blue when they could be all kinds of cool colors? Is that so terrible. Cant we agree on it? Can you spell "Is" and "We"? The boy spells out "Is" then "We" on the blackboard. "My friends at the oil companies can make chemicals to make trees tall. If fact, they already did. Can you write, "tall" and "did"?The boy writes the words on the blackboard. "Now young man, what have you learned from your talk with the President?" The boys stands up and reads what he has written on the blackboard aloud: "The President is we tall did."