Old Jokes | New Jokes

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



STYLE:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



MONEY MANAGEMENT:

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesnt want.



HAPPINESS:

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesnt.

A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change and she does.



MARRIAGE DECISIONS:

Men marry because they are tired.

Women marry because they are curious.

Both are disappointed.



MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



MEMORIES:

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.

A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didnt marry.



UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:

There are two times when a man doesnt understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.



WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy…

– One is to let her think she is having her own way.

– The other is to let her have it.



LONGEVITY:

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.



MISTAKES:

Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use

two people remembering the same thing.



THE BATTLE:

A woman always has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.